Reflective Practice

A few years ago, I went on an Alternative Break trip with a group of students. It was my third break trip, and I was extremely excited about the team of students as well as our site location.  I’m always amazed at what we are able to accomplish on these trips.

When I went on my first trip, I’ll admit, I didn’t know what to expect from the overall experience.  My approach to advising student groups was to be “Hands off, but invested.”  Basically, in student-run organizations, I’d be as active as they wanted me to be in the process. (Unless of course something really bad was going to happen, in which case I wouldn’t wait to be invited into the process.)

However, an alternative break trip was something I had never experienced before, so I did not necessarily have anything to frame it in with regards to my role as an advisor.  I took cues from the student site leader, but through my own common sense and know-how, I knew there were going to be certain characteristics of a good advisor.

I listened and participated in every pre-trip activity. The only way we were going to be a successful team was if we were all invested in the trip.

I let my student site leader LEAD, and provided support as needed.  I was a sounding board. A helper.

I kept a positive attitude at all times. Break trips are exhausting but worth every moment. I never wanted to be the negative person on the trip, no matter how frustrating a situation got during the trip.

Basically, I tried to be an example. After all, you are doing SERVICE.

On my third trip however, for the first time, I was struck with examining myself as an staff advisor for a moment, when I witnessed the actions of another school’s advisor.  Each day, we went to our site not quite sure what we would do, but ready to do whatever was asked of us. This particular day, we were asked to paint rocking chairs. All day. Fine by us. Not so fine by the other advisor, which I soon found reflected in the work of the student team.  The other advisor said she wasn’t in the mood to paint and would pick her team up later. I was appalled. (Although in the moment, I held it together.)  After she left, and a few hours into working side by side with the other school’s team, I found that about 90% of their team complained the entire time.  The concept of “attitude reflects leadership” resounded in my mind the entire day.

During our nightly reflection, I brought up the situation. I was honest with my team, and asked them to let me know if I ever approached our team in a way that made it seem like I didn’t need to be “in the trenches” with them.  They shared their impressions of the situation, but that they appreciated my approach to being their advisor.  It was a good reflection and discussion on people’s attitudes towards service on all levels.

The biggest takeaways from those experiences in my own professional development, is that first of all, you have to give it your all. Ultimately, you are setting the example for the rest of the group, even if the student leader is giving most of the directions.  And when you serve, it doesn’t mean you can revert back to being a student participant either. You’re a staff member, act accordingly. But enjoy yourself. Have fun. Build relationships with your students. Break trips can be experiences of a lifetime if you just put your own ego aside and embrace the opportunity to serve.

But here’s the blunt advice: If you can’t do that…don’t advise a trip.

Ten years ago I got involved with an organization at BW called “Dance Marathon”.  It’s purpose was to raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, an organization that works to prevent mother to child HIV/AIDS transmission.  It was begun by Elizabeth Glaser at a time when there were no HIV/AIDS medications for children.

Being an advisor to this organization has changed my life in many ways. I have been able to watch my students, year after year, fight with a passion for people they may never meet.  To save the lives of children around the world.  To make a difference.

I’ve been fortunate to work with people from EGPAF that inspire and motivate me to keep working for a cure. I’ve met people who daily deal with their own HIV/AIDS status, including Jake Glaser, Elizabeth’s son, who is by far one of the coolest people I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet.

Jake at our marathon in 2012:

Last year, we raised our highest total to date: $36,850.00.  Putting our total over the past 12 years to over $200,000.00 donated to the foundation.

If you are able, we’d like to not only reach our total from last year, but try to surpass it.

You can donate to my fundraising efforts HERE. Just click on “Support Kathy”.  Even if it is $1.00, every little bit helps.  $19.00 is all it takes to give one mother a vaccination that could nearly guarantee her child would be born HIV free.

Help make this moment happen again (2012 Reveal)

This time of year, and especially with the recent event in Connecticut, people are compelled (at least I hope) to reflect on what is important to them, specifically the people. And last week when I was at LEI, I did a lot of thinking as I spent my days conversing with amazing people. I reflected on my career to this point and the opportunities that I have been given and how I could have taken a very different route. And I thought about the people I have in my corner. The people that inspire, support, and provide guidance and advice. They are people that I don’t see every day, but I know that I can connect with them.

My boss sometimes jokes about having an “inner circle”. But it’s true. We have those people that we go to first when seeking advice or to vent, or even when we just need a good laugh about something. They are the people that we know we can depend on.

When I was student teaching my senior year of college, one of the faculty members said to our class, “Now, avoid the teacher’s lounge. It’s a gossipy place and you do not need to associate with it.”  I found myself in that lounge every day, learning from amazing educators, finding support without asking, and developing a network of support (people I still know today).

This thought popped in my head and I realized, we all should have our own “inner circle” or “Faculty lounge”. A board of directors maybe, but it should be reciprocal.  And of course, you can’t have an ACTUAL space, unless your lounge friends are your neighbors. But it’s more of a mental thing. In your mind, who are those people? Who supports you? Who listens to your ideas (even if they are crazy)? Who challenges you to think beyond where you are at right now? Who laughs with you even if the joke is bad?  And when you answer those questions, you know you do the same for them.

I’m trying to think back to when politics actually started to matter to me. In all honesty it was probably before the last election in 2008.  I’m not sure why it wasn’t a big part of my life before. Perhaps I wasn’t fully in a position to think about how it was effecting me. But I remember back to 2008, being exciting about going to my voting station, being able to exercise my right to vote.  Then I sat in my friend’s apartment, watching the election results, ridiculously excited when we saw Obama was declared the winner.

Now, four years later, we approach another election.  While I get tired of endless campaign ads, the issues still remain important. Although I must say, considering I make the choice to not have TV reception at home, I don’t get it nearly as much.  But social media influences are much more in play, so I’m still surrounded.

I was raised Catholic by my Republican father and Democrat mother. Many of those values I learned, stick with me. My faith is part of me, even if I don’t “practice” a religion. But I struggle watching people throw these things into the election process. Using them to somehow make the people I love see “less than”.  While I used to struggle with expressing my beliefs on some of these topics (because I thought my Catholic friends would judge me), I realize that I can’t be a person that stands back and not try to do something.

I’m not an expert at politics, and maybe there are things I’ve missed along the way, but when it comes to my own reasoning behind why I will vote for Obama, I think, at least in my mind, it’s quite simple.

I am middle class. That’s my label. I sometimes struggle to pay my bills. I have loans. I own a car and a home. I’m just an average citizen.

Speaking of loans, I believe in education. And to get my education, to achieve my Masters degree, I had to pay for that. I have debt. I also work in higher education. And I watch my students try and figure out how they are going to pay for college. Obama believes in student loan reform and making college more affordable. These two things are important to me.

Equal Rights. When I did a values exercise the other day, I put my family as the thing I value most. After that was equality. Obama is the first president to put equal rights on a platform. Even with the other things he is doing, this alone would seal my vote. I’m determined to believe that one day, my LGBT friends will be able to do all the things that I can do.

Womens’ rights and health. I’m a woman. A long time ago, women before me fought for the things I have now. There are things that we still struggle to have, such as equal pay. And now people want to challenge my healthcare as a woman. Guess what? I use birth control. Not because I’m avoiding getting pregnant, but because I have an illness that requires I take it. Obama is working to make sure that stays affordable to me.

I’ll be voting for Obama because I refuse to believe that my country could elect someone who actively fights against the things that are important to me. So, I have to make sure that I exercise my right to vote.

No matter who you vote for come election day, just be sure of two things. First of all – educate yourself. Understand what people stand for and understand what YOU stand for. Secondly, be sure to vote. You may think your vote doesn’t count, but it does.

I won’t get into a long drawn out blog post about my feelings on church, religion, faith, etc. (I’ve done that before in previous posts), but I will express as I sit here on Easter Sunday morning, I know that I am truly blessed. And while I’m not always a fan of the more “traditional” church hymns, this one never gets old, especially when two of my favorite musical artists cover the hymn.

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”

Covered by Mumford & Songs

Covered by Sufjan Stevens

I was blown away the first time I saw Wicked. It’s one of those musicals that can stick with you like gum in your hair.  I immediately purchased the soundtrack and listened to it on repeat for days.  And while the entire soundtrack is amazing, I just adore “As Long As Your Mine”. Perhaps it’s the romantic in me, but I think it’s just an incredibly sad, beautiful, hopeful song. If you’ve never seen the musical, please do.

This is the original version featuring Idina Menzel & Norbert Leo Butz.

Around the holidays I tend to think of family. It’s a least a time when I’m guaranteed we are generally all together, even if that has become a little more difficult in recent months.

When my mom passed away, one of the priests from our church came to our house to help us plan the funeral mass. I was really involved in our church and I knew there were certain things I did NOT want happening.  One of which was that I didn’t want the traditional funeral church hymns such as  ”On Eagles’ Wings -- I HATE that song.

The closing song was very non-traditional. My dad picked it out. He chose the song “Something In The Way She Moves” by James Taylor. I often listen to it when I need to calm myself or take a few minutes to think about my mom. 16 Years later, this is the one for sure thing that reminds me of here.

A Bonus for James Taylor for sounding the same after all these years, which is utterly amazing.

No real story here, except that I LOVE music from the 80′s. It’s almost unhealthy. But if you were to ever ask me what my favorite music video was (because we have these conversations all the time right?)…it would be A-Ha’s “Take On Me”.

The other day as I sifted through mail post-ACPA, I discovered a “Save the Date” from my friend Jenny. It’s actually been a while since I’ve seen her but it was so fantastic to know that I was being invited to her wedding. She moved to Buffalo a few years ago to become a Youth Minister. We met through the youth group at the church I went to, and together we were on the planning team.  We became instant friends and often talked about going on adventures around the world. We would email each stories on a daily basis about things happening in our day or future trips we wanted to take.  We dubbed them “The Chronicles” and we would go back and read them when we needed a “pick me up.”

One of our favorite movies was (and still is) “Garden State”. And in one particular scene, Natalie Portman’s character tells Zach Braff’s character to listen to a song and she says “It will change your life, I swear.”  That motivated our Life Soundtrack project, which is the one I wrote about in the first post of this series.  So in honor of my dear friend Jenny,

This is Jenny:

And this is song #4 -- New Slang by The Shins -- in honor of my friendship with her over the past 6 years.

This past Sunday I was present at our Distinguished Leaders Conference. It’s focused on our Junior & Senior students, and focuses on life after graduation. Programs on interviewing, graduate school, branding, etc. are provided for the students throughout the day. This year, the students in charge invited a Business Professor from our campus to speak as the keynote.  His name is Param Srikantia.  The students simply refer to him as Param.

At this point, I had heard a lot about Param, but never had the opportunity to hear him speak.  So I settled in to listen to a professor the students rave about and found myself excitedly tweeting out almost every word that came out of his mouth in an effort to make sure other people could experience it too. I was almost in this frantic mindset of tweeting content, reflecting, absorbing, and laughing at his jokes, that it was hard to believe I didn’t suffer from exhaustion by the end of his 30 minute keynote.  So many things stood out from what he had to say, but I’ve spent some time reflecting on this thought:

I thought about how often I struggle with my own inner being. Probably daily. And it’s not in a “Whoa is me, my life isn’t good.” type struggle.  That’s not the type of person that I am. But I think it is the inner thoughts that try and direct us in a way that makes sense. At least perhaps in the way we think it makes sense. I feel like sometimes I try and “work on” my inner being, like it’s an actual little person inside of me. I try to do yoga. I enjoy the part where I can just lay on my mat and stare at the ceiling, focusing on my breathing. I sometimes think that helps me focus on my “inner being.” Or this year I started going to weekly lunch meetings called “Soul Work” -- started a few years ago by one of my favorite faculty members in the religion department. So that’s working on my “inner being”, right?  I haven’t a clue.

So I sat listening to Param, thinking about my “inner being” almost like that movie “Innerspace” with Dennis Quaid and Martin Short. But in that situation, Dennis Quaid was literally shrunk down and INSIDE Martin Short. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have an actual miniaturized person in me, but that just freaked me out.  Then Param said:

Ahhh, so that’s what that thing is. My little, pain in the ass, internal condemner. The one that sometimes makes me question the things I may say or do. My ability to do my job. Wondering if I made the right decision. Does that belt match my shoes alright? Does that man  want to date me? Questioning the things that may come out of my mouth.  And then I am reminded of something my friend, colleague, mentor, etc. Ed Cabellon told me at ACPA12 , when he leaned over to say “Don’t ever doubt your voice.”

So with that in mind, it’s time to punch my internal condemner in the face. It’s understanding my own abilities and strengths and using them to their fullest potential. Learning how to not be content with the status quo of every day life. To push myself beyond capacity (in a positive, non-exhaustive kind of way of course).

In the movie “Innerspace”, Dennis Quaid develops a positive relationship with Martin Short, and at one point the bad guy also ends up tiny and fighting Dennis. They battle it out (and not to ruin the ending), Dennis kicks some major ass. With the help of Martin Short’s acid reflux problem. But that’s another story. So really, that relationship with my inner self can be a positive one. One that focuses on the intellectual, beautiful soul part of who I am and when needed, is around to punch my inner critic in the face, just like I do to my external condemners. Not generally in the literal sense, but more the figurative “I’m punching you in the face right now with my stern face.” kind of way.

And as a side note, a clip from “Innerspace” -- It’s the nerdiest romantic comedy out there. Total first date material.   You can’t go wrong with this movie, or any song by Sam Cooke.